The board of health has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible perils of having a few...

1. Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a manure truck at 100 yards.
    
2. Warning: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an geek.
    
3. Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.
    
4. Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
    
5. Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
    
6. Warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
    
7. Warning: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.
    
8. Warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)
    
9. Warning: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
    
10. Warning: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.