Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible
passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had
an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became
apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll
never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like
this, so he made the
supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke
down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife
and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his
way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of
baked beans
overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could
walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in
and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of
baked
beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he
arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited.
She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise
for you for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the
head of the table and made him promise not to peak.
At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming
on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until
she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted
his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but
ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he
felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came
on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a
diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from
gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell
would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue
ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table
rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were
dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the
hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he
carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and
fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone
farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his
hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture
of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked
at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked,
she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests
seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
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