People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most
diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you
don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat
diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit after
3 days.
Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.
Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim.
Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet.
You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise,
you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!!
Day One
- Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape
jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the
floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and
clothes.
- Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips,
and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).
- Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of
flat Pepsi.
- Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
Day Two
- Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat
it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable
dye.
- Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick
and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor).One ice cube, if desired.
- Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take
outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is
clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.
- Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust
up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat
with spoon.
Day Three
- Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with
fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake
in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick
off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.
- Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and
slurp up
- Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some
red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
Final Day
- Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit
of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add
half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal
to dog.
- Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room
carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.
- Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball
on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.
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