- If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
- If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other
out.
- When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both
eat the same amount.
- Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes
any chocolate used for energy, brandy, Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten
whole), and Haagen-Daz Ice Cream.
- Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they
are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of one's personal
fuel. This includes Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints,
Snickers, and Gummi Bears.
- Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage
causes calorie leakage.
- If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.
- If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get
walked off.
- Food eaten at Christmas parties has no calories, courtesy of Santa.
- STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
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