Ingredients:

  Amount  Measure       Ingredient -- Preparation Method
--------  ------------  --------------------------------
   1      cup           water
   1      cup           sugar
   4      large         eggs
   2      cups          mixed dried fruit
   1      teaspoon      baking soda
   1      cup           brown sugar
     1/4  cup           lemon juice
     1/2  cup           mixed nuts
   1                    bottle whiskey -- Jack Daniel's
                        salt -- to taste
   4      cups          all-purpose flour -- Sifted
   1      cup           butter -- room temperature

Preparation:

1. Take a large mixing bowl. Sample the whiskey to check for quality. 2. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in the bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. 3. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and then chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. 4. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemmen juice and strain for nuts. Add one table. And a spoon. Of sugar or somefling. Whatever you can find. 5. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350F. Dontt forget to beat on the turner. Thfrow the bowl out the window, check the whiskey agin and go to bed.